“Where do you get your prooooteeeein?

“I get all my protein needs by consuming the flesh of people who ask stupid questions”

Its actually not a stupid question. Because if the average American took all the meat and animal products out of their diet, all that would be left was macaroni, sawdust, a few condiments and maybe a sprig of lettuce. So if they hear you're a vegetarian or a vegan, they are going to react like you just told them you decided to give up water.

Everyone has a close friend or family member who’s suffered the ravages of protein deficiency. Now wait, they don’t. I’ve never heard of it,

I have three good answers to this. First I’ll say, “I don't get enough protein… to be a competitive power lifter. Most Americans do. And they aren't doing themselves any favors.” (Unless they are competitive power lifers- and still , do you know anybody who is a serious weight lifter who doesn’t need physical therapy on a regular basis?) The recommended daily allowance of protein is to take your body weight in pounds and multiply that by 0.36, that’s how many grams of protein you need. Don't open another tab to use the calculator, just take one third of your body weight — its a little bit more than than. I’m a 150 pounds, so I should have just a bit over 50 grams of protein a day. Most people get twice that. I can my 50 plus grams in 8 ounces of nuts. But it would take something like nine pounds of broccoli and over a pound of beans to meet all my needs. Since I don't want to keep the neighbors up all night and frighten my cats, I wont’ eat that many beans. But I can easily scarf down eight ounces of nuts.

Another good answer is “ Corn is like 12 percent protein. So if you ate nothing but corn, eventually you’d get sick and die, but you wouldn’t die of protein deficiency.” Because no one dies of protein deficiency. But people are about as scared of it as people were scared of AIDS in the 80s.

Another good answer is “There are a couple of nutrients you'll need when you cut out animal products, but protein isn’t one of them” and this is true. You won’t get vitamin B-12 and EPA which we used to get from unfiltered drinking water (thanks a lot, science). B-12 is in every multi vitamin and you better take one, because you could get anemia and, more embarrassingly, become someone's cautionary tale. EPA you can get from fish oil, and you can order an algea based one on Amazon if you are a strict vegan. This prevents dementia. I play piano and Ive done a number of gigs at old folks homes, so you better believe I take my EPA every morning.